It’s time. Time to start over. My old blog, like an old friend that you still see, yet no longer have anything in common with, doesn’t fit me anymore. I started it in November of 2010, only 6 months after Owen was diagnosed with Fragile X, and I was angry, and devastated, and grief stricken. I was lost. I was living a life that I knew was wrong, and was trying as hard as I could to ignore the voices in the back of my head that kept repeatedly reminding me. I had lived with those voices for so long, but eventually it became impossible to drown them out. I tried, and I tried HARD in so many unhealthy ways. I was living a life of dishonesty – to myself.
I’m not that girl anymore. I’m at peace with who I am. I have made some difficult choices that wrenched my mind and wracked my body, wreaking havoc on my gastrointestinal system and exploding my life into thousands of desperate shards. But now I am living a life where I am FINALLY true to myself, and the voices in my head have quieted because they are congruent with the way I am living my life. I am far from perfect, though I still wish I was. I am finally ‘good enough’ – for me. And that has given me a sense of peace that I never thought possible. Freeing myself and listening to my gut has left me open to receiving love and happiness I didn’t know I could experience – and frankly, after Fragile X, never thought I WOULD experience. But here it is, and here I am, and I needed a new place to start over and write and share. I love my old blog, like my old friend, but we no longer “fit” anymore.